Tomorrow. Ugh. Tomorrow is the day I leave my babies to go back to work. Maternity leave is over. Really? How did that happen? My baby boy was just coming home from the hospital and now I’m leaving him to go to work. My heart is aching and I’m terrified for the adjustment. The what ifs are daunting… What if we can’t get out the door on time? What if I can’t handle it all? What if I miss the kid’s bedtime? What if I miss a deadline? What if the kids miss me? What if they don’t? What if I disappoint my co-workers and my boss? What if I disappoint Denny? What if I disappoint the kids?
These ‘what ifs’ have been haunting me and causing me anxiety for weeks, but the reality is that they are nothing more than monsters under my working mom bed. Just like a kiddo I’m creating a world of fears that in reality don’t exist. Right now the monsters seem big, hairy and scary but there is much reality that can make my mom monster fears go away.
The reality is that I’m going back to a job I love. The reality is that I have great co-workers, a super awesome boss and a job that makes me feel like I’m making a difference in the world. The reality is that I have a pretty flexible schedule. The reality is that I have an incredibly supportive husband who does drop-offs and pick-ups, who makes dinner, and who does laundry. The reality is that we have the most wonderful childcare provider that we could imagine, and Makenzie and Mitchell get to be together all day. The reality is that by the end of the day tomorrow I’ll probably feel good about returning to the adult world.
So tonight I’ll keep my flashlight next to my bed and do the best I can to scare away the monsters. I’m sure they won’t go away but hopefully they won’t keep me up too late. And tomorrow I’ll squeeze (literally) into my work pants, I’ll use some waterproof mascara, I’ll fill my desk with pictures of the kiddos, and I’ll head back to the workplace I love. It may not be my most productive day but I’ll make it through and hopefully prove to myself that we can do it.
So go away monsters! I’ve got real fears to deal with like how I will ever fit into my work pants…
…to be continued.
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