Truth be told…

We are nervous about another baby.  Very very nervous.

There, I said it.  Boo, hiss.  Throw stones at me and tell me I’m a rotten mom.

The angry mob coming to get me!

We are now 21 weeks pregnant with a very healthy baby.  We feel blessed, we feel grateful and we feel like our “someday” dream of a family of four is actually happening.  It’s pretty darn cool, but yet we can’t shake that question of how will we handle this?   Somehow during our “someday” dream of a family of four we conveniently failed to think about the long days of a screaming baby factor, the  even longer nights of a sick toddler following by a full day of work obligations factor, the two kids in childcare factor and the how the heck will we be able to manage two babies with a house, two careers and two imperfect adults who sometimes just need to recharge their batteries factor.    

Along with the nervousness comes guilt because I will never forget the feeling of being in the emergency room on a cold November night three years ago when we realized that our first pregnancy was ending 32 sooner than anticipated.  I know just how incredibly lucky we are to be having another baby, but yet I feel nervous.  And then there’s the guilt because I didn’t feel nervousness before Makenzie arrived.  I gleefully counted down the days to meet our sweet baby girl.  I organized her socks, color coordinated her bows and spent hours rocking in her chair envisioning the nights when I would hold and sing to her.  I was clearly unaware of what was about to happen.

What actually happened was that we had a beautiful little girl.  She was and continues to be AMAZING!  But that beautiful little girl cried.  She cried a lot.  She cried all day and she cried all night.  I was exhausted.  I was failing at nursing and I was slightly losing it.  Burning eyes, cracking nips and melting-down mama… what happened to the Hallmark scenes I envisioned?

Instead of soundly sleeping and cooing, Makenzie cried… and then I cried… and then she cried more…  And then I cried more.  It was that awful c-word.  You know, the c word that rhymes with frolic, except there was no frolicking in the beginning with Makenzie.  Struggling, yes.  Frolicking, not really.

Poor baby at one month old. 🙁

So now with baby #2 quickly approaching his or her arrival date we can’t help but feel slightly apprehensive about how we’ll handle a very fun & adventurous big sis Makenzie, and a possibly non-frolicking-yet-colicking newborn.  Is that bad to be nervous?

Then I think of Makenzie today.  The way she giggles uncontrollably, the way she holds our hand in her face and says “Yove You,” and the way she melts our hearts time and time again.  I’m thinking that two kids means that we’ll have two times the good moments.  Right?  Perhaps it means double the coffee, double the meltdown moments and double the stress at times, but beyond the colic days I think we’ll come out smiling, right?

This girl sure did!

 So bear with us.  Tell us we’re not the only ones who have ever felt this way (even if we are).  Buckle up extra tight.  And neighbors, get the ear plugs.  It’s about to get a little crazy around here!

But I think that maybe, just maybe we’ll be able to handle it, and at the end of the day, spend some time frolicking with our two cutie pies.

Hi honey, I’m Home!   Back at the blog finally.

Ever since we’ve revealed the news about Lil’ Dude or Dudette (as Denny has been affectionately calling the upcoming arrival), we’ve been getting all kinds of questions so I thought I’d spend some time answering them.

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How far is the baby? – We’re now at 15 weeks!  The little one is the size of an apple and is perfectly healthy.  We’re so thankful!

A little red delicious son or daughter 🙂

Bump? – Not exactly.  More like an awkward Lump.  The kind that leaves people asking, “Has she been overindulging in triple fudge brownies or is she having a baby?”

How Makenzie is feeling? – She is blissfully unaware.  We talk about her future brother or sister and she likes to point out babies when we go places so we’ll count that as a step in the right direction.

How I’m feeling? – The nauseous  feeling is totally gone, but the tired feeling is still kicking my butt.  After I get Kenzie to bed at night I feel like my eyelids weigh about 100 lbs each so my chance of accomplishing anything, let alone a blog post, is at about 1-2%.  Hopefully I’ll get past this, otherwise the new kid will be sleeping in the overly-full laundry baskets on our bedroom floor.

Dude or Dudette? – YES, we are going to find out if this little one if a Mister or  Sister.  We had SO much fun with the gender reveal party last time and we want to do it again.

May 2012 – finding out about Baby Makenzie!

Team PINK!

BUT we want to wait to find out until our parents and siblings are all in town together so rather than do the reveal in August at 18 weeks, we’re going to wait until Makenzie’s Birthday party in October.  She’ll get to open a special gift to find out if she’ll be getting a future Maid of Honor or a future wrestling buddy.  The wait might make us crazy but we think it will be worth it.

Are we ready? – Not even close.  By 15 weeks with Makenzie we ordered a crib, designed a possible girl room and a possible boy room and spent hours researching the best stroller and car seat.  We had a list of names, a pile of clothes and a memory book filled with sonogram pics.  For this baby, I’ve barely had a chance to finish taking the pregnancy test.  At least this kid will get parents who (kind of) know what they are doing.  Makenzie might have had a safe stroller but she was essentially raised by wolves in the beginning.

This about sums it up. Poor Kenz.

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We’re looking forward to the next 6 months and meeting our new little Dude or Dudette.

I’ll do my best to keep the updates coming on the blog.  See you soon!