Tonight I looked down…

May 23, 2015 by · Leave a Comment

I can’t exactly say that the past four months and 7 days have been easy.  Raising two kids is tough.  It’s a crazy, wonderful thing that we have two healthy kids.  And they are an awesome blessing, but it doesn’t make it easy.  Every single day is hard.  And honestly, I’m just not good at it yet.  I’m navigating through the foggy land of lingering hormones and uncertain expectations and working mom demands and mom of two status, and in trying to be a lot of things to a lot of people I often feel like I’m failing at all of them.

…………………………….

But tonight I looked down.  Rather then thinking ahead about packing the diaper bag, or thinking back to how I should have handled a situation at work, I simply looked down.  And I was surprised at the beautiful view…

I looked down when I was on a walk with Makenzie and I saw so much.  I saw a sweet daughter’s messy, end-of-day-hair blowing in the breeze.   I saw her pink wagon filled with treasures of golf balls and dirt.  I saw a spunky toddler quickly growing into a little girl trying to navigate her way through the neighborhood and life.  And I saw five little fingers wrapped around mine because the sound of the train whistle frightened her just enough that she needed to feel an extra sense of security.  I saw pure happiness.

 

Later on tonight I looked down again…

Once again I was taken aback by the view.  I saw the soft skin of a four-month-old fresh out of the bath.  I saw perfect little eyelids covering the bright blue eyes of my son.  I saw the subtle breathing movements of a tired boy.  I saw a snugly baby finding a nightly sense of security in a fleecy swaddle.  I saw what will likely be my final baby drifting off to sleep.  I saw love in its purest form resting comfortably in my arms.

………………………..

Today was a good day.  One of the best.  I finally opened up my eyes enough to see the beautiful view I have on this part of the journey.  I know there will come a point when the scenery will change and I’m definitely not ready for that.  I guess I better hold on tight and keep my eyes open.

 

Much love,

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The monsters under my working mom bed

April 6, 2015 by · Leave a Comment

Tomorrow.  Ugh.  Tomorrow is the day I leave my babies to go back to work.  Maternity leave is over.  Really?  How did that happen?  My baby boy was just coming home from the hospital and now I’m leaving him to go to work.  My heart is aching and I’m terrified for the adjustment.  The what ifs are daunting… What if we can’t get out the door on time?  What if I can’t handle it all?  What if I miss the kid’s bedtime?  What if I miss a deadline?  What if the kids miss me?  What if they don’t?  What if I disappoint my co-workers and my boss?  What if I disappoint Denny?  What if I disappoint the kids?

These ‘what ifs’ have been haunting me and causing me anxiety for weeks, but the reality is that they are nothing more than monsters under my working mom bed.  Just like a kiddo I’m creating a world of fears that in reality don’t exist.  Right now the monsters seem big, hairy and scary but there is much reality that can make my mom monster fears go away.

The reality is that I’m going back to a job I love.  The reality is that I have great co-workers, a super awesome boss and a job that makes me feel like I’m making a difference in the world.  The reality is that I have a pretty flexible schedule.  The reality is that I have an incredibly supportive husband who does drop-offs and pick-ups, who makes dinner, and who does laundry.  The reality is that we have the most wonderful childcare provider that we could imagine, and Makenzie and Mitchell get to be together all day.  The reality is that by the end of the day tomorrow I’ll probably feel good about returning to the adult world.

So tonight I’ll keep my flashlight next to my bed and do the best I can to scare away the monsters.  I’m sure they won’t go away but hopefully they won’t keep me up too late.  And tomorrow I’ll squeeze (literally) into my work pants, I’ll use some waterproof mascara, I’ll fill my desk with pictures of the kiddos, and I’ll head back to the workplace I love.  It may not be my most productive day but I’ll make it through and hopefully prove to myself that we can do it.

So go away monsters!  I’ve got real fears to deal with like how I will ever fit into my work pants…

…to be continued.

monsters under the bed

 

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Never Eat Alone

March 23, 2015 by · Leave a Comment

Hello Irony,

Nice to see you.

A few weeks before maternity leave I made a one-click Amazon order for the book Never Eat Alone.  What was I thinking?  Not only have I not made it past the first page, but I’ve also never disagreed more with a book title in my life.  Never Eat Alone… are you kidding me?!?  I want nothing more than to eat alone.  Quietly.  Without food to cut up.  Without a newborn to bounce up and down.  And without epic negotiations that involve rounds of ‘one more bite’ in return for godforsaken Frozen fruit snacks (thank you Disney).

Is this what Keith Ferrazzi was referring to?

In fact Eating Alone sounds so amazing that on my first day back to work I might lock myself in the conference room, dim the lights, sit quietly and slowly savor my very own sandwich.  The sandwich would be mine, all mine!  Not leftover from Kenz and not in the shape of Elmo.

But then I think about the two little people in our lives and all the ways they make our mealtimes crazy… Kenzie’s cute lunchtime chatter, Mitchell’s dinnertime coos and their cute jammie breakfast attire.  And with just two weeks left before I go back to work I better embrace the craze these two munchkins create.  I’m pretty sure that before I know it I’ll be spending countless days eating alone at my desk while I blast out e-mails just so I can leave on time and get back to my meal crashers.

So until then, bring on the craze kiddos… the spills, the chatter, the whines and even the chewy sugar-covered Olaf treats.  This mom is really going to miss these days of never eating alone.

XOXO

Erin

PS  If anyone has cliff notes for the book, please pass them along to me.

 

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Trading in my Rookie status

March 12, 2015 by · 1 Comment

I think I’m ready to trade in my Rookie Mom status.  I’m no pro but I’m nine weeks into my second maternity leave and I’ve learned a few things along the way…

When it comes to kids, 99% of tears can be solved by one of the following: a binky, a bottle, a swaddle, a clean diaper or an episode of weird Disney collector on YouTube.

Cat food is non-toxic and therefore is not harmful when digested by children (thank you Poison control center).

The world doesn’t judge you if your baby cries in public.  In fact, most people don’t even notice.

Kids look to their parents to determine their mood.  You’re cranky, they’re cranky.  You’re happy, they’re happy.  You’re calm, they’re calm.

Diapers leak, bottles leak and boobs leak… don’t leave home without a spare onesie, burp cloth or scarf.

And when it comes to moms, 99% of tears can be solved by one of the following: a glass of wine, a nap, a few minutes of HGTV or a hug from a little set of arms.

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Armed with these lessons, an overflowing diaper bag and a little bit of momfidence, my babies and I have been taking full advantage of my time off work to live it up!

Here’s what we’ve been doing over the past two months:

::  Making it out the door.  Some days this is a victory in itself.  ::

“Smile kids! We are all wearing pants, we are not covered in poop and we are out of the house before 11 am.”

 

::  Enjoying play dates  ::

It has been SO wonderful to spend time with many of my fellow mom friends who I often only see on Facebook.  We’ve been hosting and attending lots of play dates and it turns out that play dates are just as much fun for the moms as they are for the kids.

Kenz and one of her favorite buddies.

 

::  Bouncing around town  ::

So far we’ve been to the science museum, Rollie Pollies, Explore & More, story time at the library and this cool bounce house place.  Mitchell sleeps through most of our outings but Makenzie is having a blast.

This girl has no fear

 

Being worldly and checking out the Dutch windmills at Explore and More. Following this we continued our European education by enjoying some French fries from McDonald’s. Oui Oui!

 

::  Going for walks  ::

Now that Elsa broke the Frozen spell on Lancaster we’ve been enjoying a few trips around the neighborhood.  We can’t get enough of the fresh air and the extra hour of daylight.

Kenz carrying her baby like Mommy.

 

::  Roadtrippin  ::

Call us crazy but we decided we needed a trip to Ohio to see some of our favorite people.  Luckily we have two good little travelers.

Tired dolly

 

Kenz and her future boyfriend Keene.

 

Breakfast with Nana and Papa

::  Soaking in the smiles  ::

Usually we plan a day or two each week to just hang out in the house and have fun.  It’s a good place to be when you get to see grins like this all day.

Littlest M showing off his grins.

I’m still years away from Mom Pro status but each day I learn a few more lessons about how to be a mom of two kiddos.  My next lesson is going to be how I’ll leave my little M’s to head back to work. I work with awesome people and we have a good support system so we will just have to take it one day at a time (and plan on lots of take out).  Until then we’ll soak up our days together and enjoy a few more weeks of road trips, play dates and time in the slow lane.

xxoo

Erin

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Struggling

February 24, 2015 by · 8 Comments

When I started this blog one of my goals was to be real about things.  So here goes:

I’m struggling today.  I’m struggling big time.  Being a Mom is so darn hard.  There is nothing horrible happening in my life right now.  In fact I feel bad even writing this post because from an outsider my life is about as good as it gets – two healthy babies, a great husband, 12 weeks of stay-at-home-momming it – yet despite this I’m struggling today.

Last night was a long night.  Mitchell can’t get to the pantry because of the baby gates so I spent about 5 hours being his personal line chef.  He spent the whole night crying because he was hungry to then crying because he was full.  In between he would shower both of us in a spit-up bath to try to find the happy medium.  It took him the whole night to find it.  Poor little guy.  By the time I got to bed it was time to wake up and I’m yet to brush my hair or wash my face.  Our plans for the day got scrapped and instead I chugged the largest cup of coffee I could find and we shifted to survival mode.

So now I’m using the always amazing nap time break as a chance to eat chocolate and get real on the blog because I have a feeling I’m not the only mom who has struggled like this.  I have a feeling I’m not the only Mom who has felt overwhelmed, exhausted and just downright ready for a break.  And I have a feeling I’m not the only mom who feels bad feeling even feeling this way because we’re so darn lucky to even be Moms.

So when these two little ones wake up I’m hitting the Reset button on the day.  I’m going to brush my hair (thank God!), throw out the frustration, push past the tiredness, turn on Pandora (because who can resist being in a good mood when 80’s music is blasting?) and make sure that my babies have a better mom for the second half of the day than they did during the first half of the day.

Reset button

I don’t know what to tell you to avoid these struggles, but I think the days like this make the other times even better.  But if you’re struggling today hang in there.  Drink a coffee, find some chocolate, turn on some tunes, or just lock yourself in the bathroom for five minutes and breathe.  You are not alone (literally because I’m guessing your kiddos are banging on the bathroom door by now).  But truly, you are not alone in feeling this way.  Being a mom is just about the hardest job on the planet and it may not come with a manual but we all have a reset button… you might just have to look for it buried beneath your layers of burp cloths.

XOXO

Erin

 

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Mitchell’s Birth Story – Our little guy’s journey into the world

January 29, 2015 by · 2 Comments

On Mother’s Day weekend 2014 we found out we were pregnant again!  Fast forward about 39 weeks and we were anxious to meet our sweet baby boy.

For anyone who has ever been fortunate enough to experience a baby’s arrival into the world, you know exactly the emotions evoked during the experience.  It is so difficult to capture these emotions into words, but I’ll try my best.  Here is Mitchell’s Birth Story…

::  Thursday January 15, 2015, Four-ish AM  ::

It was the morning of our baby boy’s induction.   Aside from the hum of the baby monitor and Denny’s steady breathing next to me, the world was dark and asleep yet I was wide awake trying to wrap my mind around the fact that we might meet our son in a few short hours.  Based on our baby check-up a few days prior, our wonderful OBGYN, Dr. Susan, felt that he was in a great spot to be induced, and we figured we would go for it so that my parents could be in town to watch Makenzie and also meet our baby boy.

::  Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end  ::

I couldn’t sleep so I tried to just savor the last few hours of pregnancy.  Denny and I feel fairly certain our family will be complete with 2 kiddos so I tried to remember every single movement and feeling involved with carrying a baby.  It was a bittersweet morning for me trying to figure out how ten years with Denny went so fast.  It seemed like we spent forever planning our Somedays of a house and babies, and now suddenly, our Somedays were happening in a blink.

::  Six o’ seven AM  ::

 Makenzie must have sensed the excitement of the day because she woke up bright and early!  I was really glad because it gave me a few final minutes to snuggle with my first-born baby.  She was thrilled to be spending the day with Nana and Papa and barely noticed as Denny and I headed off to the hospital.

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Arriving at the hospital baby unit! I wish I could have bottled up the excitement I felt as we walked down the corridor.

::  Ten thirty-two AM  ::

We were three and a half hours into being induced and the waiting game was in full force.  I was showing enough progress that the nurses even broke my water.  I was officially able to relax knowing that we would not be sent home to wait any longer.  Our baby was going to be in our arms shortly!

Mitchells arrival hospital picture

The baby bed was ready and waiting!

 ::  The Name Game and a dinnertime baby  ::

In order to pass the time we went back and forth on two topics – his name and his estimated arrival time.  We brought the baby name book and started asking the nurses their feedback too.  Ironically the wonderful OB resident who was taking care of us told us that her Dad’s name was Mitchell.  That was one of the first signs that we would later decide on Mitchell as a name (more on that later).

As for the estimated arrival time, it was game on.  Everyone had a guess. I was guessing about 8pm (but hoping it would be sooner).  Denny guessed for a dinnertime baby and our nurses thought it was feasible to deliver this baby by 7 pm when their shifts ended.

 ::  Epidural, party of one  ::

By noon, I was uncomfortable enough to go for the epidural.  The contractions were still not consistent and I was not showing tremendous progress, but the nursing team felt an epidural might speed up the process so I went for it.  We were cautiously optimistic thinking this would be the trick to get this little guy moving.

 ::  Five frustrating hours  ::

Shortly after the epidural, the birth journey took a frustrating turn.  We spent five long hours making no progress.  Our little guy seemed to be totally content where he was and I started to get anxious as to what would happen next.  This was merely a foreshadowing of what was to come, but luckily my mom was at the hospital by then and told us all about Makenzie’s morning, which lightened up the mood.

 ::  “He’ll be here in an hour”  ::

By six o’clock, Dr Susan had arrived to check on us.  We finally got past the five-hour standstill and the nurse told Dr. Susan that our little guy could be here within an hour.  We were feeling good again and we were confident that we were close to holding our little guy.

The hour came and went but shortly after, the nurse came in and said it was worthwhile to try pushing.  We tried and we tried yet we failed.  So frustrating.  Our sweet baby boy was sunny side up and there was no way he would be arriving in his current position.

::  New Game Plan  ::

Given Mitchell’s position, the decision was to wait it out a few more hours and see if he flipped over.  We were back to the waiting game.  This was one of the toughest times of the day.  My epidural dwindled away.  I was nauseous, and I was on the brink of tears, BUT we knew that the only important thing was that our little guy was still healthy and we would eventually meet him.

::  Take Two  ::

It was now nine thirty at night.  Despite the obvious signs leading to a C-section, Denny and I were both oblivious to this outcome.  We were fourteen hours into labor and it was time to try pushing yet again.  We were full of hope that this was it, but we were wrong.  After another grueling attempt at getting our little guy to arrive, Dr. Susan came in and delivered the news.

::  This was NOT the plan  ::

Our only option at that point was a C-section.  Mitchell was in a spot that could potentially be harmful to both of us if something didn’t change, so we had to get him out in the next few hours.  I was crushed.  This was NOT the plan.  A million thoughts went through my head… What if something is wrong with the little guy?  What if they don’t hurry?  How did this happen?  Why couldn’t I make this work?  How am I going to take care of Makenzie while dealing with surgery recovery? 

I was way too emotional to get it together and call anyone but Denny quickly switched to Rockstar Husband mode.  He told my families the updates, changed into scrubs and gave a valiant effort at trying to keep his basket case of a wife from having a massive meltdown.

::  It’s a Boy!!  ::

The next hour was a blur.  I remember waiting in tremendous pain for what felt like forever because the epidural wore off yet again.  I remember being wheeled down a long hallway into an operating room.  I remember asking over and over again for Denny because I kept thinking that they forgot to get him.  I remember the reassurance of the medical team that they would take care of us.  And I remember feeling really fuzzy.

Yet despite the confusion, the frustration, the exhaustion of the day and the sheer emotion, I won’t forget hearing the first cries of our son.  He had arrived and he was perfectly healthy!  At 11:06 PM, Mitchell Dennis McGee was welcomed into the world and he was perfectly healthy!

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First breath of life. Welcome to the world Mitchell! It is our privilege to be your parents. We love you more than you’ll ever know.

 He was beautiful!   Denny showed him to me quickly and then he was off to be weighed and assessed.  He was 8 pounds, 9 ounces and 21 1/2 inches long.

Ten fingers.  Ten toes.

One sweet, amazing baby!

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Handsome!

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One of my favorite pictures of the proud daddy introducing his son to baseball!

The next few hours continued to be a blur but it was filled with sweet amazement of what just occurred.  Mitchell’s birth wasn’t the journey we anticipated but we wouldn’t change a thing.  Our baby boy had arrived and our family was complete.

By 2:30 am we were drifting to sleep – completely exhausted, completely thrilled and completely smitten.

::  The First Few Days of Life::

The next few days were just as busy.  By Friday afternoon we decided on a name and then we welcomed some of our favorite people to meet Mitchell.  Little M is a lucky little guy!

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Big sis Makenzie meeting her little brother. She is smitten and so are we.

 

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Our little slugger. I hope he someday finds a sport that makes him as happy as Denny when he played baseball.

 

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My little snugly boy

 

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Nana’s little loves!

 

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This little guy is so lucky to have such a wonderful Aunt!

 ::  Three Days later  ::

By Sunday, it was time to head into the world as a family of four!  We’re not pros by any means with handling two kids but I think we’re getting better each day.  It’s pretty cool that our Someday is here.  We can’t wait to see what else comes our way.

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Heading home as a family of four!

Thanks for reading through my sappy post.

XOXO

Erin

PS  Mitchell, this post is for you little guy.  Once you get past the “Ew, gross” phase when you think of birth, I hope you see the beauty in the day you joined our family.

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The Sweet Things in Life

January 22, 2015 by · Leave a Comment

He’s here!!!

Our sweet Mitchell Dennis McGee came into the world late at night one week ago today!!  It’s hard to believe that it’s been 7 days since we were at the hospital anxiously awaiting his arrival.  It was an emotional and exciting day but most importantly he arrived as a healthy baby boy.  He’s snugly, sweet, full of hair and a perfect little addition to our family.

It’s been a great week and my heart is overwhelmed with appreciation for all we’ve been given.

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Our little guy snoozing away this morning… did I mention he’s an awesome sleeper?

I’ll update more later about his arrival and his first week, but for now I thought I’d make a quick post about this morning.

Denny had to go back to work today which means I’m on my own for the first time with the two little ones.  I’m still trying to take it easy and avoid stairs so Denny brought all the toys to the family room and we’ve just been playing all day.

Aside from having a fun morning I’ve managed to shower, put a roast in the slow cooker and pump 2 bottles (sorry for the over share but when your culinary skills are as lacking as mine I find pride in making meals for anyone, infant crowd included).

Aside from that here’s what we’ve accomplished today:

::  Makenzie helped me give the little guy a bath.  She’s the best big sis!  ::

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Mitchell wasn’t as excited as she was but he did great!

::  Mitchell got so excited at feeling extra clean that he projectile vomited then pooped up his back  ::

:: Kenz learned how to use my camera and insisted on taking pictures of the TV, Mitchell, Mommy and most of the house  ::

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Kenzie cam of the TV, which we probably watched too much of today, but hey, we’re just trying to get through our first day.

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Kenzie taking a picture of brother. “Say cheese baby!”

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“Smile, Mommy!”

::  We had a picnic breakfast and lunch because of the no lifting rule  ::

And now Makenzie is snuggled up in bed, Mitchell is swaddled up and rocking, and I’m enjoying a little bowl of ice cream as a Hey I made it half of the day on my own with 2 happy kids celebration. Then it’s time to scoop up this little guy and enjoy snuggles until Big Sis wakes up.

I have a feeling the next three months, or perhaps, the next three decades are going to vanish in a blink. I better sit back and enjoy the sweet stuff!

More updates soon!

Love,
Erin

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Welcome to Doubtville!

November 30, 2014 by · 1 Comment

::  Greetings from Doubtville, USA!  ::

Population: Every parent in America… err, the entire world.

I write this as my daughter naps on the floor next to her Minnie Mouse bed.  The same Minnie Mouse bed that she loved just a mere two weeks ago but now despises.  I write this after a 30-minute battle which involved tears and running out of her room multiple times before she finally fell asleep after I laid down next to her (also on the floor).

Here we are again… smack dab in the middle of Doubtville.  Denny and I visit here often so we should be familiar with all the uncertainty that comes when we enter city limits, but every single visit reminds us of how humbling it is to be a parent.

green uncertainty sign

In life we regularly face challenges.  It starts at birth and lasts until our very last breath.  Whether it’s how to tie our shoes, how to solve algebraic equations, how and when to buy a house, or how to be an adult, the questions don’t stop.  But with kids, it seems more challenging because the stakes are a lot higher.

In reality I know that Makenzie won’t go to college sleeping on the floor next to her Minnie Mouse bed, but right now I am questioning every little thing that has happened that led us from the Goes to bed like Champion every night Route to the Abandoned Highway of Terrible Bed and Nap times.  Was is the lack of schedule from the snow storm, the traveling due to the holidays, the removal of the crib from her room, the new knowledge of how to open the door, a combination of all of the above, or perhaps, none of the above.

We don’t know how we got here, so now we are trying desperately how to find the fastest road out of Doubtville.  Do we travel east past the Cry it out Canyon, stay south on the Sleep next to her skyway, or just continue down the path of Bad Parent Boulevard and hope it gets us back on the Sleep Superhighway?  There’s just not a clear pathway.

Concept image of a lost and confused signpost against a blue cloudy sky.

I’m sure we’ll be back on track in no time, but until then I’ll settle for a roadside restaurant as long as it serves hot coffee.  I think the only answer is that we stay the course, we try to be patient and we do it all with love and patience.  After all, our goal as parents is to be the best and most supportive tour guides we can be, even if we don’t have a clue what the journey will entail.

Safe travels to you.  Perhaps we’ll see you around the Doubtville Cafe.  The coffee is good, but the company is amazing!

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Bumpdate – Thirty, flirty & thriving!

November 8, 2014 by · Leave a Comment

Thirty weeks… Whoa!!
Thank you Jennifer Garner for the brilliance of ’13 Going on 30′ to help me come up with a crafty little blog title… but I don’t exactly fit that description.

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Does this blogger lady think she’s flirty and thriving?!?  Not even close.

More like:
Thirty, burpy and waddling?
Or perhaps
Thirty, sleepy and swelling?

You get the point.  Somehow we’ve reached the 75% mark with this pregnancy.  I have been terrible with bumpdates, so now is a great time to share about this little guy who is close to joining our family:

 …………………………………….

Nursery – It’s going to be a golf/sports theme and it’s in process. And by in process I mean that I put a few hangers in the closet.  All we need to do now is remove the current furniture, add a crib, add a dresser, fill the closet with some blue clothes, figure out some wall decorations, and a add sweet baby boy.  Bam, Easy peasy!

Names – The name game is as far along as the nursery.  But even if we had a name we want to meet him first and make sure he likes it. We try to be considerate parents.

Big Sis – Makenzie is already gearing up to be my little helper!  She loves rubbing my belly while yelling Hi Baby.  And she loves reading the I’m a Big Sister book every night before bed too. We think that’s a good sign!

How I’m feeling – Overall good.  We’re getting really excited to meet this sweet boy!   This pregnancy is a much harder pregnancy than with Makenzie but I think it’s because we’re busy with an active Big Sis to be.   The little guy is kicking a lot and moving around like a little wild man. Our biggest concern right now is that I have a partial previa. I’m trying to take it easy to avoid the terrifying word of bedrest, but it’s challenging to do with a busy little girl.  There’s still time for this to correct itself, otherwise we’ll be headed for a c-section around 39 weeks. We’ll be fine however he arrives as long as he stays healthy.  Keep your fingers and toes crossed!

 …………………………………….

Denny and I aren’t sure how we’ve arrived at the 30 week mark, but we’re really excited to meet our son!  The next ten weeks include a huge To Do List along with the fun of the holidays but luckily we work well under pressure.  The countdown is on to meet Daddy’s little caddy.  Game on!

daddys golf buddy

 

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Getting real about baby #2

September 11, 2014 by · 1 Comment

Truth be told…

We are nervous about another baby.  Very very nervous.

There, I said it.  Boo, hiss.  Throw stones at me and tell me I’m a rotten mom.

angry mob with words

The angry mob coming to get me!

We are now 21 weeks pregnant with a very healthy baby.  We feel blessed, we feel grateful and we feel like our “someday” dream of a family of four is actually happening.  It’s pretty darn cool, but yet we can’t shake that question of how will we handle this?   Somehow during our “someday” dream of a family of four we conveniently failed to think about the long days of a screaming baby factor, the  even longer nights of a sick toddler following by a full day of work obligations factor, the two kids in childcare factor and the how the heck will we be able to manage two babies with a house, two careers and two imperfect adults who sometimes just need to recharge their batteries factor.    

Along with the nervousness comes guilt because I will never forget the feeling of being in the emergency room on a cold November night three years ago when we realized that our first pregnancy was ending 32 sooner than anticipated.  I know just how incredibly lucky we are to be having another baby, but yet I feel nervous.  And then there’s the guilt because I didn’t feel nervousness before Makenzie arrived.  I gleefully counted down the days to meet our sweet baby girl.  I organized her socks, color coordinated her bows and spent hours rocking in her chair envisioning the nights when I would hold and sing to her.  I was clearly unaware of what was about to happen.

What actually happened was that we had a beautiful little girl.  She was and continues to be AMAZING!  But that beautiful little girl cried.  She cried a lot.  She cried all day and she cried all night.  I was exhausted.  I was failing at nursing and I was slightly losing it.  Burning eyes, cracking nips and melting-down mama… what happened to the Hallmark scenes I envisioned?

Instead of soundly sleeping and cooing, Makenzie cried… and then I cried… and then she cried more…  And then I cried more.  It was that awful c-word.  You know, the c word that rhymes with frolic, except there was no frolicking in the beginning with Makenzie.  Struggling, yes.  Frolicking, not really.

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Poor baby at one month old. 🙁

So now with baby #2 quickly approaching his or her arrival date we can’t help but feel slightly apprehensive about how we’ll handle a very fun & adventurous big sis Makenzie, and a possibly non-frolicking-yet-colicking newborn.  Is that bad to be nervous?

Then I think of Makenzie today.  The way she giggles uncontrollably, the way she holds our hand in her face and says “Yove You,” and the way she melts our hearts time and time again.  I’m thinking that two kids means that we’ll have two times the good moments.  Right?  Perhaps it means double the coffee, double the meltdown moments and double the stress at times, but beyond the colic days I think we’ll come out smiling, right?

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This girl sure did!

 So bear with us.  Tell us we’re not the only ones who have ever felt this way (even if we are).  Buckle up extra tight.  And neighbors, get the ear plugs.  It’s about to get a little crazy around here!

But I think that maybe, just maybe we’ll be able to handle it, and at the end of the day, spend some time frolicking with our two cutie pies.

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