Greetings from Mommy McBlog world!
Now that we’re all done shaking our shamrocks for the year, I wanted to share about a little flashback I had this week.
It all started with a minor mouth surgery on Thursday – overall it was uncomfortable, slightly painful and something I hope to never repeat. But I had one nasty side effect even the Dr didn’t see coming, and that side effect was a flashback to Junior High. Yikes!
Join me as we go back 20ish years… O.J. was getting chased, Nancy Kerrigan was getting clubbed, coffee was being sipped by our Friends at Central Perk, and I was having the same minor mouth surgery that I had last week. Same experience pretty much – overall it was uncomfortable, slightly painful and something I hope to never repeat. But in Junior High having mouth surgery meant something WAY worse than discomfort. Having mouth surgery in Junior High meant being completely and totally shunned from the Friday night game of Spin the Bottle. Gasps! Oh the horror!
Thinking back to these days made me reminisce about all kinds of humiliating experiences and bad decisions that I faced in my youth. And now that I have millions, thousands, a few blog followers (Hi Mom!) I thought it would be best for me to come clean with the skeletons in my closet before Perez HIlton finds out. So here goes:
The Dirty Little Secrets of a Mommy McBlogger
I’m a…
- Spin the Bottle rejectee – Yep, the above story is a true story.
- Troll collector – Yeah, I know. Troll collecting is almost worse than saying I did illegal drugs. It’s creepy and uncomfortable but likely these freaky dolls are a thing of my post.
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Creeeeeeepy
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- Former perm victim – I once rocked the body wave, or should I more appropriately say that the body wave rocked me. Either way it was awful and I’ll never go back to those dark days of my life.
- Former Headgear wearer – Speaking of embarrassing situations of my youth, I’m admitting that I wore headgear. And not just any headgear, I wore the really awful kind that went around my head and left big marks in my hair. My sister threw magnets at me and hung Christmas ornaments from me during the minimum of 14 hours per day I had to wear it for almost one year. But it wasn’t all bad because I was allowed to take it off when I saw Boyz II Men in concert. Score! Turns out It’s Not so hard to say goodbye to yesterday when yesterday includes trolls and headgear.
This isn’t me in the picture but I wore headgear just like this.
Fashion forward bitches!
- Recovering Late-aholic – The first 20+ years of my life I was late for everything. But I finally admitted I had a problem, went through the 12 step process to overcome it and I’ve been relatively clean ever since. I do relapse occasionally but who doesn’t when you have kids?
And lastly…
- I was a serious late bloomer – I believed in the tooth fairy way too long, I slept with my stuffed animals way too long and I got boobs way too late. In 8th grade I was actually dubbed the Founder of the Itty Bitty (you-fill-in-the synonym for boob) committee.
There you have it. I’ve now come clean with my deep dark secrets of youth. Nothing scandalous really, just some seriously dorky experiences that I now look back on as opportunities to “build character.” And luckily I’ve been able to gain a little more wisdom, a little more fashion sense and a bra size that doesn’t contain the same acronym as the Automobile Association of America. Perhaps the reasons we live through the disasters of our youth isn’t so we can get kicked out of the game of Spin the Bottle, but maybe it’s so we can feel more prepared when it’s time for the real game of Life.
And sorry perez Hilton, you’ll have to keep looking if you were hoping to expose an outrageous history of a blogger.
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